I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
