I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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