it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
