I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
