forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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