Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
