They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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