Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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