you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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