If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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