I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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