they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
