I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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