I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
