I could have mohawked her pubes.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
