Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
