I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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