Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
