i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
