your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
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super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
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They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.