Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
