Texts From Last Night

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  (801): View more from Utah

  i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.

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  (801): i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one. http://tfl.nu/ahi8
  Replies (24) Good night (4050) Bad night (831)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose

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  (404): look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose http://tfl.nu/df7a
  Replies (11) Good night (4882) Bad night (1088)
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  (619): View more from California

  our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.

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  (619): our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work. http://tfl.nu/tk9m
  Replies (5) Good night (3956) Bad night (659)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.

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  (413): My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers. http://tfl.nu/7b3u
  Replies (46) Good night (8825) Bad night (1688)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken

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  (508): The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken http://tfl.nu/dqor
  Replies (17) Good night (993) Bad night (5957)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.

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  (514): Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined. http://tfl.nu/ti88
  Replies (8) Good night (1252) Bad night (5438)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!

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  (334): It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas! http://tfl.nu/ak8o
  Replies (1) Good night (1166) Bad night (799)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.

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  (952): Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm. http://tfl.nu/ghbo
  Replies (15) Good night (2406) Bad night (760)
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  (209): View more from California

  I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.

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  (209): I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting. http://tfl.nu/cws8
  Replies (23) Good night (907) Bad night (3180)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone

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  (847): It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone http://tfl.nu/1xod
  Replies (6) Good night (726) Bad night (1017)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  started my period, we have to try again next week

  (1-770): View more from Georgia

  if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint

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  (770): started my period, we have to try again next week (1-770): if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint http://tfl.nu/4qkj
  Replies (11) Good night (1529) Bad night (398)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now

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  (815): I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now http://tfl.nu/gmmk
  Replies (5) Good night (585) Bad night (320)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard

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  (425): He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard http://tfl.nu/s58l
  Replies (0) Good night (1162) Bad night (291)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.

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  (954): i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors. http://tfl.nu/iyus
  Replies (4) Good night (756) Bad night (299)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...

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  (847): I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat... http://tfl.nu/j5yd
  Replies (2) Good night (977) Bad night (217)

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