Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
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sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"