I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.