i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
