i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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