I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
