Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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