I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
