let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
