does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize