...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
