I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Who died my cat blue again?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
