I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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