u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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