hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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