Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
