i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
