Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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