Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
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