Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
