You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
