I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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