So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
