I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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