Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
