Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
