We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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