she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
