I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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