Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
