Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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