now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
