What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
