you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
