My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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