I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
