I want to stick my p in your. b.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
