My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
