two words: eviction party
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
