3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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