Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
