the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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