Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize