Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
there was a trapeze. enough said
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
