i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I see more hoeing in ur future
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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