im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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