id be glad to
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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