chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
