remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
